Well I'm almost done with my first semester at college and it has been such an adventure. Just like an adventure, there are ups and downs but I feel like I've learned a lot about myself and the world around me. I've just had a lot of thoughts about a lot of different things lately so this is me trying to make sense of them in some way. I'll start with college... I have pretty awesome roommates (especially considering all of the horror stories I've heard) and my classes are going well. One of the hardest parts, though, is probably how incredibly aware I am of all the different possibilities I have going forward. I feel lucky to have already found a career path that I'm excited about and dedicated to. It's just everything else that is making it hard to focus. This will be one of the only times in my life that I have complete freedom to do whatever I want. I just feel like I should take advantage of every opportunity and help as many people in as many different places as possible. I feel like I need to be doing every single thing in my power to prepare to apply for grad school. And even though those are all good things I'm learning that I just simply can't do everything. I can't save the world and I have to be ok with that. Another thing that I really didn't expect to be a challenge for me is the pressure to be in a relationship. In my head I know that my worth is in no way determined by whether or not I'm in a relationship but getting married is such a huge focus here at BYUI that sometimes it's easy to think, "It's been 3 months and I don't have a boyfriend... I should probably start panicking." I'm very proud of the fact that I understand my worth in a way that doesn't rely on a boy but BYUI is pretty good at making you feel like you're doing something wrong if you aren't in a relationship. I will say, though, that college has motivated me more than ever before. Like I said, I want to take advantage of every opportunity I have and I intend to do my best to do just that. I think part of that mindset is a result of my time in Kenya. I know now more than ever how incredibly fortunate I am. I can't even fathom the amount of wealth I have compared to other people around the world. Coming back home was much harder than I had anticipated. The first couple days I felt almost ashamed at my own privilege. Walking around my house I couldn't help but think what the kids at the orphanage would say if they saw where I lived. Simple things like the bookshelves made me think of how one book in Kenya costs as much as feeding a family for a week. Or the endless supply of clean water at our fingertips made me think about the brownish color of the drinking water from the orphanage where I volunteered. You always say that you're grateful for a roof over your head and food on your table but it's impossible to really understand until you see hundreds of people who spend their entire lives without even those basic things like a roof over their head or food on their tables. It is because of Kenya that I have learned to be grateful for every up and every down. I think of Mongela, the 14 year-old boy that I lived with, who cried when he heard songs about peace and love, who lived with a family other than his own because his parents didn't have enough money to feed him and his brothers, who confronted a grown man because he didn't give me 10 cents back in change, and who worked for hours to learn English and math so he could one day be a business man. Talking with him and his two younger brothers was the most humbling experience I've ever had. It is because of them that I want to work so hard. It is because of them that I want to experience everything life has to offer. My three little brothers in Kenya taught me what it means to sacrifice and work hard while continuing to find joy and show love. That is why I feel the need to do every single little thing possible to help save the world. Because three little boys from Kenya already saved mine.